Links Journey Note: How to get struck by Lightning

WARNING: READ THIS FIRST BEFORE THE FICTION IF YOU VALUE YOUR SANITY!!!

This will contain the most random actions as this fic with Link shipped with various women of various media. Hence the title "Link's Journey Notes." It contains Rape as Comedy, Domestic Abuse, and OOCness to a degree. However, I do this all in the name of humor. If this isn't your kind of humor, you are welcome to leave. If you decide to stay and read. Please, enjoy.

This fiction was directly taken from my Fanfiction account of the same name. As such, there may be few changes.
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Link's Journey Notes
How to get struck by Lightning

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So she worked hard just to reunite with her sister. She has slain several creatures of god-like power. She gained a giant pet turtle after she claimed it. She survived the Purge and Pulse. She defeated several Fal'Cie, at the cost of two friends. Now? She just wanted to sit back and relax, with her sister in sight.

However, one day. It all changed.

Five months after the fall of Orphan

Lightning stood at the sink of her home, putting all the dishes Serah used to cook supper away after she dried them. Ever since it was just the two of them, it was routine for Lightning to tidy up the house while Serah cooked. After getting branded by the Fal'Cie, it was taken away from her...actually, it was starting to go away once Serah started seeing the dumb oaf; Snow.

But none of that back story. Let's go to the highlights.

Even with Snow moving in, the routine was pretty much the same as ever, with the exception of Snow helping out with various chores...and dropping dishes and breaking other cleaning supplies. After putting in the last bowl, Lightning went go sit down at the couch and stared at nothing for a couple of minutes. After that, Serah came walking in with Snow, holding a pink flat stick.

"Um...Lightning?" Serah called out, looking a bit scared.

Lightning broke out of her daily staring at nothing for ten minutes and looked at Serah, "Serah? What is it?" She asked, noticing her timid stance.

Serah didn't say anything and handed the stick to her.

Lightning grabbed it and looked at it. Serah and Snow looked closer trying to see her reaction. "It's a stick..." She mumbled obviously.

"It's pink." Snow quickly pointed out.

Lightning continued to stare at it, "Obviously." She muttered, still staring at the pink stick.

Serah and Snow looked at each other awkwardly. "You seriously don't know what that means?" Snow asked.

Lightning continued to look at it, "Am I suppose to eat it?" She asked, already opening her mouth to give a taste bite.

Snow and Serah immediately moved in to stop her, "NO!" They shouted, with Snow covering Lightning's mouth and Serah grabbing the stick.

Lightning immediately got onto her feet, "Alright, what's going on here?" She asked suddenly, crossing her arms, "I was enjoying my daily stare at nothing for ten minutes until you two interrupted it." She scolded, particularly that she was hoping she would win the 38th battle of staring at nothing for ten minutes. That wall was starting to mock her recently and she decided to beat it at its own game by having a daily stare contest for ten minutes...She hasn't won yet.

"I'm pregnant!" Serah revealed.

"Then you put up a claim like that while I was close to winning- wait, what?" Lightning continued to rant, before interrupting herself over the reveal.

Serah began to lower her face and blush, "Um...I'm carrying a child." She added to the reveal.

Lightning was still dumbfounded, "What?"

"Your going to be an aunt" Snow pointed out.

"What?" Lightning continued to mumble.

"There's going to be another member in the Farron Family tree." Serah pointed out.

Finally running out of words to say, Lightning plopped onto the couch, still trying to initiate the fact that her sister was pregnant. Needless to say, she was sort of proud of another member coming in their family

Serah then sighed, looking at her, "Come on, can't you smile at the news?" She asked, as if getting pregnant was a daily thing.

Lightning continued to stare at the floor...which was starting to mock her, "I'm trying." She answered. One could see the corners of her mouth twitching as if it didn't want to move from the frown Lightning always had.

At this point, Snow couldn't resist the fact, "Maybe you shouldn't. You might strain a muscle." He joked, having a tiny smirk.

Lightning gave up trying to smile and grimaced at Snow.

Seeing that things were still tight between the two; despite all they've been through together, Serah decided to change the topic into a slightly unexpected one. "When are you going to decide to have a child?" She asked Lightning.

As anyone can expect, the room fell onto deaf silence as crickets began chirping...then Lightning's pet turtle unleashed an Ultima at them; which is evident by the explosion outside, and silenced them. Then a tumbleweed started to roll by inside.

"Where that tumbleweed come from?" Snow thought to himself.

"Isn't killing crickets with Ultima overkill?" Serah added to her thoughts.

Lightning began to stammer, "Well...um, it's-I..." She continued to juggle words. Truth is, she never thought about her life beyond saving Serah. She never thought of the fact of raising a family, let alone having to carry a child. "I just can't imagine myself carrying a child." She concluded to her stammers.

Snow then looked up in thought, having cloud bubbles form above him, "Lightning pregnant..." he muttered to himself as he pictured Lightning having a large stomach...

He then fell onto the floor, rolling around in laughter.

Lightning then got onto her feet, walked towards Snow, reared her leg, and kicked him across the face. She then walked passed him, leaving.

"Where are you going?" Serah asked, ignoring her husbands twitching in pain.

"I'll prove I can have a child." She shouted, suddenly declaring Snow's doubling over laughter as a challenge, and as you know, she never backs down from a challenge.

Snow miraculously got onto his feet without a scratch, "Watch out for the turtle!" He shouted, as the turtle began to lift its leg, taking another step.

Lightning continued to walk, passing its path, "Don't worry. It takes a whole day to take a single step." She answered. (Remember this line)

Snow and Serah continued to look at her leave, "What have I done?" She asked herself, raising a hand to her mouth. Once she sets her mind on something, there's no changing her direction.

Far Away

So Lightning used a strange gate they found that transport you through time and space to go to a different world. Sure she said she'll prove she can have a child, but she's very picky about it as she didn't want to bear the child of anyone she knew (For some reason). So she decided to go look for a mate beyond time and space. She eventually came across a pond, and using the intel she gathered at a local marketplace, she learned about someone who would be perfect.

"Let's see. They say a great hero comes by here to fish. Maybe the child will carry both of our legacies and become the greatest leader of all." She muttered to herself, looking at the notes she made while eavesdropping on the others.

Soon enough, someone came walking along whistling cheerfully. Wearing a green cone-shaped hat and a green tunic, he sat on a log and dug into his hammerspace and pulled a fishing rod out. This was no other then Link. He recently discovered that fishing was a very dangerous activity for him as things happen unexpectedly when he fishes, but he was feeling lucky and decided to risk it.

Lightning then walked out of the bush she was hiding behind of, "Are you Link?" She asked.

Link looked over his shoulder, "I am." He replied calmly, but inside his mind... "Oh crap, a female found me here. My horoscope was wrong!"

Lightning then sighed, sure he was different then her, but something made her want to bear his child, maybe the fact that both were strong and saved the world. Then the child would be an unstoppable force, "My name is Lightning Farron, I'm from the world of Cocoon" She introduced herself and decided to get to the point,"Just recently, my sister became pregnant." She revealed.

Link then mentally slapped himself, "Congratulations! How does that effect me?" He asked sarcastically. Maybe if he was rude to her, she'll go away.

Lightning then sharply looked at him, "They think I can never have a child." She started out.

"Uh-oh"

"But I'm going to prove them wrong and chose you to be the father of my child." She finished up, revealing her plan to him.

"Not again..." He muttered to himself as Lightning tackled him to the ground.

Back home

Snow all of a sudden looked out at the sky.

Serah noticed this, "What is it?" She asked.

"For some reason, I feel a man's plead for help." He answered.

Serah then looked back at the book, "Maybe your just thinking it up." She answered simply.

Snow agreed and sat back down.

After five hours of unpleasant activity. (For Link)

Lightning stood back onto her feet, straightening her buckles and hair, "He was more experienced then I thought." She muttered to herself, straightening her clothes, "It was like this wasn't his first time." She continued to speak to herself.

Link continued to lie on the ground, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." He muttered, mentioning a previous experience with two blondes.

"I'd ask more about that, but now we're going back to my house." Lightning announced, zipping up her sweater.

"Wait, we?" Link asked, getting back onto his feet.

"Yep. I'm taking you with me." Lightning added to her announcement.

Link then went behind her, "Why?" He asked.

"Just to secure the proof that I'm pregnant." She answered, grabbing Link's wrist and pulled him along.

Back to Lightning's house.

Her time with Link for some reason dropped her grip of sanity and walked into her home bubbly, "Serah! I have wonderful news!" She shouted excitingly.

However, Serah was sleeping in the next room, so Snow; who was staring at the same wall Lightning was earlier, stood up, looking at her strangely.

"Snow! Where's Serah?" She asked, pacing back and forth.

Snow continued to stare at her strangely, "Lightning?" He asked, still uncertain if this was her.

"Yes, I'm Lightning. Why wouldn't I be?" She asked, still off-character.

Snow pointed this out, "The Lightning we all know and love..." He started, "Is not so bubbly." He struggled at the last word, wondering what word to describe her as.

At that moment, Serah woke up due to the noise, "Snow? What's going on?" She asked, still rubbing her eyes.

Snow then went in a defensive stance, "Stand back, we may have a Lightning imposter." He answered, holding out his arm in front of Serah. Then he reached into his pocket, pulling out a walkie-talkie...which runs on AAA batteries apparently. "All units, come in." He replied into it.

A young man's voice then answered, "Hello?" The young man answered.

A female's voice was heard in the background, "If that's Snow, tell him that I still think this is stupid." She called out.

"But Lebreau, this could be important." The man replied.

"Anything coming out of a children's toy can't be that important." Lebreau pointed out. "Besides, aren't you suppose to be the gadgeteer genius here?" She continued talking, "Can't you at least wire it with a network or make it connect in a three way?" She added.

Another man's; much older, was heard, "You love anything with a three way." He answered.

"Shut up!" She shouted.

Snow was still listening in to the conversation, when he heard a loud slap. "Maqui! This is important!" He shouted and cleared his throat, "This is a Code Red!" He shouted through the walkie-talkie, "I repeat, a Code Red!"

Maqui; as introduced as the young man, called back to his team mates, "Hey guys, a Code Red!" He announced and an alarm blared out.

The next few minutes can be described as a whole team of NORA members wearing black suits repeating Code Red. Gates started to seal all doors and windows, making escape impossible. All members of NORA; numbering over a hundred, began making an entrance in a...unique way.

There was a group sprinting towards various covers, a team of snipers perched themselves on the ceilings, and heavy gunners, armed with large machine guns and RPG's stood in the front. If that wasn't enough, another large group outside was wearing kilts instead of the black uniforms and were playing bagpipes apparently, across from them was a group of calvary units moving in with their horses, then a jet flew above and several jumped out with parachutes.

They all went into position and were aiming at Lightning. "Do not attempt to move or we'll be shooting ourselves." They announced.

Lebreau was hopping at the back, "I still think this is a waste of time and money!"

Link; who was left outside, poked his head in through the front door...which they forgot to lock, "Is something wrong?" He asked.

Snow immediately took notice of him, "Another threat?" He called out and pulled out the walkie-talkie again, "All units! Code Black!" He announced.

Just then, the ground shook around outside as machines started to rise from the sands. As they rose, they began to unfold, revealing laser cannons, drills, and other devices with various deadly uses. What really stood out though, was that all the way in space, a giant device started to emerge itself from behind a sun, extending its length and moved in front of the sun, only letting light shine through a hole in the middle.

"Seriously?" Lebreau asked, lowering her shoulders.

Serah looked all around, wondering how a large group of people can fit in their small house. "You really went all out on the security defense." She pointed out.

Lightning then caught a moment of in-character, "What the hell is going on here?" She shouted and looked outside to see the machine covering the sun, "And how to hell did you build a dyson sphere in a day?" She added to the questions.

Snow then walked closer to her, "Your starting to sound just like her." He pointed out, "No threat is coming an inch to my unborn child" He added, holding out his finger and thumb apart by one inch. He then turned around, raising his arm in the air, "On my mark!"

Lightning then scoffed, "Your going to kill me and the child that's in me?" She revealed, causing everyone with names in the room to go silently.

Serah walked out of the group, "Lightning?" She called out, unsure of what to say.

"Yes, I'm pregnant. Can you imagine that?" She snapped towards Snow.

Snow then lowered his arm, "All units!" He called out, getting their attentions, "Stand down." At that command, in a blink of an eye, all units were gone with no trace. The machines quickly sank into the grounds and the dyson sphere folded into a ball and went behind the sun again.

Lebreau however, was struggling behind Maqui, "But- but- Lightning's pregnant, I need to know the details." She protested.

Maqui, along with the other two; Gadot and Yuj, were pushing her away, "Come on, it's not our story." Maqui pointed out.

Link was still standing at the back, "Is this an every day occurrence?" He asked.

Snow was still staring at Lightning and slowly walked towards her, "If your really Lightning, there is just one thing I need to know..." He replied darkly.

Lightning tilted her head confusingly, "Yes?"

Snow then brought out a clipboard, "Do you want pizza or cheeseburgers for supper?" He asked suddenly.

Lightning was still confused, "Uh...pizza?"

Snow then threw the clipboard behind him, "It's Lightning..." He replied.

Link then crouched towards the floor, "Is this whole planet insane?" He asked, unsure of how choosing pizza over cheeseburgers proved she was Lightning.

Serah then cleared her throat, "So...your pregnant..." She brought the subject to normal terms.

"And he's the father?" Snow pointed towards Link.

"Yes." Lightning answered.

Link then stood back up, "Well, she could possibly be pregnant. Usually the first time doesn't get one pregnant." He pointed out.

Lightning then looked at him over her shoulder, "So your saying you want more..." She replied...rather darkly.

Link then flustered towards her, "That's not what I meant!" He shouted.

"Wow...I'm kind of scared." Serah mumbled towards Snow about Lightning's new condition.

Snow then crossed his arms, "No kidding. Who knows what her anger points are now?" He answered quietly.

Link then turned, "Can I go now?" He asked, opening the door, "They already know that I'm the father." He added, taking a step.

Lightning then turned towards him, "Not yet. Your words struck me that I may not be pregnant yet, so we're going to do it again and again." She answered, "I'll drain you of your stamina if I have too." She added, and noticed that Link already sprinted away. "Hey! Come back here!" She shouted and ran after him.

Serah looked at the clocked and noticed it was 9'00. "Huh, the day is almost over." She pointed out.

At that moment, they heard Lightning's pet turtle take another step.

Snow then looked out to see Lightning beating at the leg, trying to get it to move, "Looks like that guy got stepped on." He pointed out.

In a few moments, Lightning came back dragging her prize with her towards the room. Link; who miraculously had no wounds from being stepped on, already gave up on escape. So he sat down, legs straight, arms crossed, and a permanent scowl on his face as he was being dragged to his doom.

Snow watched as they entered the room, closing the door, "Something tells me he didn't exactly volunteer to father her child." He pointed out.

Serah sat at the couch, reading a book, "Your just imagining things again." She answered.

Snow continued to stare at the door, hearing colorful things, "I hope so. Would hate if that guy broke from her." He answered and sat besides Serah.